Original Help about lyrics TwT

danlof99

Ritsu's Renegades
Defender of Defoko
Some days ago I produced a song that I would like to turn into an UTAU original.
It has some kind of Melanie Martinez/Ariana Grande's vibe.
My problem is about the lyrics because english is not my native language sooo... I would like to know if it seems correct and organic^^

Welcome to the reign of the buzzing dinasty
You come at the throne bow down in front of me
Here's my hand. follow my lead, lust is taking over me
You try to run away trapped in my sweet fantasy

In our magic kingdom
I can be the fierce queen bee
I know I'm your type
Why are you back with that chick?
Stung you in the back
My poison smells like potpourri
It circulates in your veins
I count: one, two, three

Maybe I've so much problems 'cause I'm not feeling okay
You are one of them, your lies make everything turn grey
Wanna take it back to our golden fantasy
Bloody eyes stare now at you right from my balcony

I just want my servant to tell me that I'm supreme
You would have only made them cover your fooleries
Once you taste the best you just would keep devouring me
Sadly you are not yet on my level, honey

In our magic kingdom
I can be the fierce queen bee
I know I'm your type
Why are you back with that chick?
Stung you in the back
My poison smells like potpourri
It circulates in your veins
I count: one, two, three

Maybe I've so much problems 'cause I'm not feeling okay
You are one of them, your lies makes everything turn grey
Wanna take it back to our golden fantasy
Bloody eyes stare now at you right from my balcony

In our magic kingdom
I can be the fierce queen bee
I know I'm your type
Why are you back with that chick?
Stung you in the back
My poison smells like potpourri
It circulates in your veins
I count: one, two, three
Now spell it with me
Baby, R.I.P.

Maybe I've so much problems 'cause I'm not feeling okay
You are one of them, your lies makes everything turn grey
Wanna take it back to our honey fantasy
Bloody eyes stare now at you right from my balcony
 
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Ciel

Teto's Territory
To start off, "dinasty" is spelled "dynasty". I would recommend that you move the "now" in "Bloody eyes stare now at you right from my balcony" to the beginning of the phrase. ('Now bloody eyes stare at you right from my balcony'). In "Maybe I've so much problems 'cause I'm not feeling okay" the 'much' should change to 'many', and in "You try to run away trapped in my sweet fantasy" there should be a comma (or semicolon, but that doesn't matter much in the actual music) between "You try to run away" and "trapped in my sweet fantasy". Aside from that, it's pretty good.
 

kyl

Momo's Minion
omg the lyrics are really good! i like the

'I count: one, two, three
Now spell it with me
Baby, R.I.P.'

it sounds so catchy- can't wait to see the full song! :uhuhu: