I can't quite say... It's not like I'm really doing what I do for someone else, and what I'm about to say may seem stupid but...
Utau makes me happy. I've been obsessing over it for years with my own little fantasies of when I'd finally get a computer to use the program. Because of my friend and also my desire to express myself on my own(and my characters) I took drawing more seriously and began doing that extensively. With Utau I feel that everything artistic I could possibly be interested in(for the most part) can exist, like doing art, making music, developing stories and characters, all that stuff.
Now, my dream of getting to have an Utau was kind of.. Idk. Back then when my friend introduced it it was like we were way back in simpler times, like 2009, since we listened to those olden Utau and kind of had the idea that our Utau would have that feel..? Hard to describe lol
But anyway she's long given any of that stuff up, and I'm still here. Making an Utau and all the stuff I imagined required actual work, something I wasn't even really familiar with(as in I knew nothing about what it took to really make an Utau). I'm not really popular and don't have any true skills when it comes to Utau, mixing, tuning, sometimes my art is really passable, and that's it. I have friends in Utau but honestly most aren't really that supportive(still nice people, they just don't really care ig). So basically it's like there's nothing keeping me going. However...
Despite all that I seem to have hope. Even if it seems futile, even if it seems stupid, it's still there. I don't even know what I'm hoping for, but unlike many I've met in this community it seems, I subconsciously decided that I want to develop my skills for my benefit. I want to take care of myself and be functional in every way I can. I want to be satisfied with my own work instead of shying away from the things I produce. If I meet some really nice people, I will be grateful, if some people like my content, I will be grateful. But instead of solely focusing on mattering to others, I want to be satisfied with myself. Another thing that keeps me going are my inspirations. I've probably obsessed over every one of my friend's videos lol I look at old videos from 2009 she did, to 2017, and every one of her skills have improved. Back then Darling was just another Utau, now she's loved in many ways, and most importantly Kumori loves her and her own work, and that's the kind of thing that keeps me going. So there will be a day that I finally achieve all that I've been searching for, working for, and each failure is only a stepping stone for success, so I just can't stop here, and hopefully I never will.
Well that all was probably terrible but I just felt inspirational for some reason, thx for listening to my babbles >=<
Arissa for President